People come to see me with broken hearts, anger, sadness, hurt and anxiety. They often tell me they have communication problems. They talk about concerns, and the details of their lives that are contributing to distress. When one partner talks, the other often is reacting whether inwardly or outwardly. They may respond by defending themselves, explaining, agreeing disagreeing or blaming. These responses net more of the same back the other way and so it goes. Sometimes these patterns have gone on for years so that layer upon layer of anger and perhaps seemly small bits of resentment build. The couple feels intimacy is waning or lost and hope seems far away. In short, they miss each other.
Sometimes when couples miss each other they begin to talk about a feeling of falling out of love. Resentments build walls, walls block painful emotions but also emotions of love, joy and passion. The first step to finding each other again means getting back in touch with yourself. Ask Yourself: What is your body telling you? What are the thoughts swirling around in your mind? How do you feel and what triggered this reaction? Pay attention and learn what you can about where you are at. From this place of self understanding you can you begin to determine how to approach a discussion with your partner.
Once you can manage and be aware of your own reactions, you are in a position to really listen to your partner. Not to the words but to the softer calling and yearning behind their walls. They may say "Why weren't you home until midnight last night !" , the softer message may be, "I really miss you. I yearn to be close." It feels so different to respond to a sponge thrown your way rather then a brick. So much easier to say then:"i miss you too. "I am sorry I was so late." rather than a long defensive description or worse an attack back.
Changing patterns of communication is not easy, particularly with such strong emotion involved. We are here to walk with you on the journey to a more passionate life and relationship. Contact us to learn more about where to start.
Sandra
Sometimes when couples miss each other they begin to talk about a feeling of falling out of love. Resentments build walls, walls block painful emotions but also emotions of love, joy and passion. The first step to finding each other again means getting back in touch with yourself. Ask Yourself: What is your body telling you? What are the thoughts swirling around in your mind? How do you feel and what triggered this reaction? Pay attention and learn what you can about where you are at. From this place of self understanding you can you begin to determine how to approach a discussion with your partner.
Once you can manage and be aware of your own reactions, you are in a position to really listen to your partner. Not to the words but to the softer calling and yearning behind their walls. They may say "Why weren't you home until midnight last night !" , the softer message may be, "I really miss you. I yearn to be close." It feels so different to respond to a sponge thrown your way rather then a brick. So much easier to say then:"i miss you too. "I am sorry I was so late." rather than a long defensive description or worse an attack back.
Changing patterns of communication is not easy, particularly with such strong emotion involved. We are here to walk with you on the journey to a more passionate life and relationship. Contact us to learn more about where to start.
Sandra
RSS Feed
